Two Weird Professional Emailing Habits

When you think about it, the idea of electronic mail (or email as we often call it) is a wonderful invention that has had a profoundly strange effect on the things that we do during the workday. You would think that having the ability to send a message instantaneously would reduce the amount of time that we spend sending messages. Instead, the time has increased two-hundred-fold, along with the total volume of messages that we send. Nowadays, roles in a company exist that predominantly involve sending emails every which way to everyone and everything.

And when you're out of a job, then that's what you'll usually spend most of your day doing. You scope out the companies that you'd want to work for, find their Jobs@SomeBrand.com address, and then fling your resume in that direction. Do this a 100 times, and you just might end up with about two legitimately interested prospects. And if you do that for a few months, then you'll start to notice a few wacky emailing habits that will make you question how in the world that person got hired at all.

Looks legit.

Here are my two favorites:

1) ALL CAPS

EXAMPLE EMAIL (NOT AN ACTUAL EMAIL):

 "DEAR XXXX,
IF YOU'RE NOT THE PERSON I'M LOOKING FOR, THEN I DON'T HAVE ANY TIME TO WASTE BRINGING YOU IN FOR AN INTERVIEW! TELL ME EXACTLY WHY YOU QUALIFY FOR THIS POSITION AND THEN I WILL PROCEED TO LOOK AT YOUR RESUME. UNTIL THEN, I AM UNAVAILABLE."

Surprisingly, this is a little more endemic than you'd think. They just leave their cap-locks on, and then suddenly their whole persona has transformed. It's like they've become some kind of former drill sergeant football coach who's just been trapped behind a desk, in a cage, and is occasionally thrown raw steaks. From a tonal perspective, the email's suddenly just dripping with that kind of testosterone poisoning that will send them onto a roaring 'roid rage any second now. It turns the whole message into a barely-comprehensible block of raw text and post-divorce emotional baggage! There's no immediately visible variation in any of the letters, so the words themselves become needlessly difficult to parse and re-assemble!

And on top of that, it's like they're already yelling at you. On the plus side, at least you know what you’re getting in.

2) NO PROOFING OR GRAMMAR

EXAMPLE EMAIL (NOT AN ACTUAL EMAIL):

"Thank you XXXX .Theer's no wya for me to atatchh my doucmnts and the imae gat the sam tim eso when promtin this it's important to separte the ad by letting people kno wonce they ad their information they will recive for fee and then oce they by the produc twith the link. If thsi is too cnfusing to poeple than we do not promtee."

What.


The casual office email etiquette is one thing. The complete disregard for any kind of proofing or clarity is another. It could be just an emergency, but regardless of the circumstance you might just find one of these in your inbox. And when it arrives, it will make you look twice. Yes, somehow there are employers out there who will respond to emails like this - as if they don't have an extra two seconds to even look at the thing - let alone correct it. Some voices in the Start-Up world have actually advocated for this as a way of communicating with investors and clients. The going logic, of course, is that misspelling a few words here and there creates the implication that you're too busy running from pitch to pitch to proof your emails. That, in turn, makes you look sought after. And while there is some definite truth to that, I've found that going too far beyond some misplaced lower-cases can seriously undermine your credibility as a thinking adult.

If the mistakes are poor enough, then the reader will have absolutely no clue what the email is trying to say, or worse - what the details of the task are. I've even had someone on the other end of a job application berate me with another erroneous email for apparently not following his Not-English instructions exactly. Curiously, this seems to be an issue that's almost exclusively American. The International Companies that I've communicated with make a point of carefully following all the associated rules of grammar and structure. That last thought isn't terribly relevant, but it is interesting.

So, if you're one of those people who's out looking for that source of revenue, you can rest easy. If you know the basics of spelling, grammar, and online etiquette; you just might be more qualified than you think.

At least, in the realm of emails.

 

Addendum On The Issue Of Embarrassment

After publishing my previous piece on embarrassing networking stories, I feel like I may have left the conclusion a little too open-ended. I should clarify that.

While time will ultimately heal all embarrassments, this rule does come with a caveat. Yes, even the most humongous faux pas at a large-scale networking event will eventually evaporate from the memories of strangers. However, confidence to the point of arrogance can do permanent damage if you don't know where to stop.

My point and case is this post-networking email exchange, which comes to us directly from the Chris Jones Blog. If you're in a place where you can't be seen cringing, I suggest you relocate before reading it.

Too long; didn't read? Here's a visual representation.

Ouch.

In spite of all the warnings, this man's ego pushed him further and further down the rabbit hole until he just crashed head-first into a solid granite floor of total failure. All it took was a highly concentrated dose of self-delusion and vanity to burn that connection to ground.

So why share this story? Simply, it provides the perfect counterpoint to the issue of saying "hi." Yes, you should work up the courage to introduce yourself to total strangers. However, you should also understand and appreciate why that initial fear is there in the first place.

It's trying to protect you. It's your social immune system - that part of your brain that forces you to consider your words and actions before proceeding into unknown territory. Much like your biological immune system, it can overreact. It might go a little too far and tell you that the slightest mistake will result in irreparable humiliation. However, it might have also kept this gentleman from digging a grave for himself.

If there's a lesson to be had here, it's this: instead of thinking of social immune system as a voice in your head, think of it as a member of your internal Board of Directors. It doesn't run the whole show, and it certainly doesn't always know what it's doing, but it has an opinion with an appropriate time and place. You should never let you it control you, but you should always be mindful of its concerns. They might save you one day.  

Embarrassing Networking Stories for the Soul

It's networking season!

Or at least it is for me. We all have that one time of the year when we've decided to get back in touch with old friends, old teachers, old bosses, and old acquaintances - usually in a deliberate effort to see if anyone knows somebody who knows somebody. And then there are those bone chilling moments when you have to seek out new people all by yourself - plunging neck deep into the swamp of solitude. It's one thing to crash a party, not know anyone, and spend the whole night hanging out by the Cheetos. It's quite another to have your life depend on meeting that special someone, making the right impression, and then scoring the interview - hopefully. It's so frightening that you might even struggle to say "hello." That very act of initiating contact could very well sour their whole entire impression of you and close that door shut - triple-locked, bolted, and sealed forever!

Well, stop right there. It might seem like that, but your life doesn't depend on nailing the perfect impression 100% of the time. Your success as a networking professional depends on the hardest skill of all: your ability to say "hi" just once to everyone in the room. Seems easy, but there's always that voice in the back of your head. "What if they reject me?" "What if I embarrass myself?" "What if I mess up so bad that I'll have to wear a paper bag over my head for the rest of my life?"

All completely reasonable - but not really. So here's my public service announcement for the week. To get you over that primal fear, I'm going to tell some horrific networking stories - all of which occurred when I was just trying to say "hi."

1) A Madame/Mister Melee 

When you're addressing everyone as "Mister" for a semi-long period of time (like fifteen minutes), then you might just relegate that little job to your involuntary nervous system. Sure, it lets you focus on that rocking ice breaker, but your INS can't tell the difference between most of the objects outside your body. So you might end up like me - introducing yourself to plants and accidentally addressing the bulkiest guy in the room as "Madame."

Vincent Vega. He writes this blog.

I noticed his beard a little too late; right around the time when he asked my name - while frothing with anger. I told him I was Vincent Vega - because I apparently revert to Pulp Fiction when I'm in an absolute panic. He'd never heard of Pulp Fiction. In fact, he thought that was my actual name - a mistake which turned to my advantage when he absolutely lost it in front of everyone for about ten seconds.

It was Entertainment Networking Night at UCLA. An agent told me afterward that I had the coolest name ever. The agent's name was Derek. I never saw the big guy again.

2) Counting Change for Hazardous Hags

If you want to practice talking to people, become a cashier. Trust me, there's no faster way to master the art of talking to people than to talk to people for eight hours a day, five days a week. That, and you'll probably learn a thing or two about perspective.

While I was in college, I used to work as a cashier/barista for a small little coffee shop in the middle the Theater Department. Everyone was nice except for the Dean; this older women with an abundance of sarcasm, a dearth of patience, and a tendency to harp mercilessly over the slightest transgressions. This was problematic for me. I only had the job because I desperately wanted to be a Theater Minor. The only way to become a Theater Minor (as far as I knew) was to know someone on the inside. Think your stakes are high? I had to make this impression count!

A live simulation of this experience for your enjoyment.

I spent about ten minutes trying to make small talk. She wasn't interested, but I wasn't about to let this opportunity slide away. I pressed on! Unfortunately, I was so focused on closing the relationship that I wasn't paying attention to Abraham Lincoln; or rather, I had confused him with George Washington. So, instead of handing her three fives as change for her twenty, I gave her three ones. And with that, my fate was sealed.

I saw her about four other times at the shop that year; and each time, I was subjected to ruthless monetary micromanagement. I was the guy who never graduated from Kindergarten, and therefore couldn't be trusted to count to ten. That was my first impression, and there was nothing on planet Earth that could dislodge it. It wouldn't matter if I had conducted a thousand successful transactions with her. She wouldn't, in a million years, give me an elementary school diploma; much less a fast track into a Theater Minor.    

And then, a year later, she vanished. Just like that, I never saw her again. She probably retired, but something tells me that I wasn't the only person who got that treatment from her.

3) Uninvited Anecdotes For Aloof Associates

Seriously. Don't do it.

Did you just have an awesome conversation with that one person at that one networking event? Great! Now it's time to follow up - that quick little email that lets them know that you remember them and that they should remember you. It's always great to include a link to something that relates to your conversation. Or you can do what I did, and go the long way around by telling them all about the trials and tribulations that got you to this particular moment in your life.

Actually don't do that. Like, literally stop what you're doing, and don't do that!

Usually, the worst thing that happens is that the contact just never responds to your wall of text. I received no such mercy. Instead, she sent it right to the coordinator of the business program I was in - who immediately shared it with the class as a textbook example of what NOT to do. That class included my girlfriend.

Was it a great teachable moment? Sure. Did I ever do that again? Absolutely not.

The Conclusion

So, what's the net result of all these terrifying instances of networking failure? Have doors closed in my face, never too be opened again? Has my name been passed around the professional world as the subject of ridicule and scorn? Have I been forever blacklisted by people I have never met and whose faces I barely remember?

No. None of that happened. Everyone just moved on. I just got back up and tried again. At the end of the day, no matter how awful or embarrassing your first impression might seem, there will always be next time. There will always be another opportunity to make a better connection with a much better fit. There will always be room for you to learn from your mistakes, and to continue building your network.

So, don't be afraid to say "hi!" Don't be afraid to put yourself out there! You really aren't taking that big of a risk.
 

  

Another Fiction Reflection

In light of the Legend of Korra post I made last week, I couldn't help but go back through some of the favorites that kept me mentally afloat when the tides were rough. It's fascinating how each one - each in it's own unique and unexpected way - comes to reflect a part of world that you live in, or at least your perception of that neat little pessimistic landscape that you call "the world."

So, major two television shows in particularly had the curious effect of boosting my mood and reminding me it's not all doom and gloom. It's not that they were pessimism release valves, allowing me to jet all my frustration into a blood-stained giant robot fight. Rather, they had the very interesting effect of reminding me what I had to be thankful for.  

First was The Office, and it was entirely because of Steve Carell's (@SteveCarell) character - Michael Scott. There's something about watching people work under a particularly inept/stupid/incompetent boss that makes you realize just how blessed you might be to not have a job. At that same time, Michael Scott also struck me as deeply, well, human. And it's not just that he's a terrible leader - it's the deeper issue that he was simply promoted too early. Not only is his entire conception of leadership cartoonishly skewed, but he's also managed to carry over literally all the wrong habits from his previous position as a salesman. On one hand, he believe that his title, well literally, entitles him to respect and attention. And when those rewards are not forthcoming, he acts out to attract them. However, instead of evolving completely into Dilbert's Boss, there's a part of Michael Scott that still desperately yearns for those personal connections and friendships that came so easily as a salesman. Therefore, despite making such an enormous fuss over titles and position, he's actually living the nightmare of being completely alone at the top - surrounded by power but devoid of friends. Watching all this certainly reminded me that there were far worse fates in the world than being unemployed after college.

The second guilty pleasure was Firefly, which it presents us with an interesting counter-example to the inept leader that is Michael Scott. Malcolm Reynolds, as played by Nathan Fillion (@NathanFillion), is literally his completely opposite on every level. Michael Scott can't seem to distinguish between personal and professional relationships, while Captain Reynolds negotiates them with savvy and ease. Michael Scott works for the Man as a mid-level manager/bureaucrat for a corporate establishment. Reynolds almost completely defines himself as a rebel against the system. He's was a browncoat during the war, and he never stopped fighting - even after the war was over. Yet, despite the fact that he operates completely outside of the law, our favorite Firefly smuggler still strives to do the right thing in any given scenario. Compare that with Michael Scott, who's been tasked by his corporate bosses with enforcing the law and promoting productivity, and yet somehow manages to always do the wrong thing.

Michael Scott was the person that I was desperately afraid that I would become if I ever got the job - incompetent, needy, and unprofessional. Malcolm Reynolds was the leader that I desperately wanted to be in the fantasy future when I finally owned my business - 1/3 visionary entrepreneur, 1/3 steadfast leader, 1/3 charming lech. To some extent, these two leaders helped me guide my future - reminding me who I wanted to be, and who I needed to avoid becoming.

Having said all of this, I can't help but be thoroughly interested in a show that bills itself as a combination of these two wildly different premises. The Nobility Web Series (or @NobilitySeries for the Twitter people out there) certainly seems to have a great deal of promise, but it will be extremely interesting to see how Cas Anvar (or @Casanvar) plays the intrepid (or formerly-intrepid?) Captain Cern. He seems to be a budding Captain Reynolds at heart, but has been working for the Man long enough that he may have been completely flattened into the 27th century's equivalent of Michael Scott. Only time will tell how they'll play this out, but I certainly can't help but be optimistic. After all, they did get Doug Jones. You read that correctly - the one and only @ActorDougJones.

That just might be another thing to be thankful for.

A Deus Ex Machina Won't Save You

SPOILER ALERT: This article contains minor spoilers for Legend of Korra: Book 2. If you are interested in remaining mostly unspoiled, continue at your own risk.

Being in limbo changes your perspective on a lot of things. Politics, money, dignity - you know, the usuals. However, when I first started out, I never thought that it would change my taste for fiction. Or, more specifically, my taste for certain literary devices - like that of the Deus Ex Machina. Now that seems mighty specific you might venture, and you'd be right. I actually didn't realize that I was thinking this way until I finally got around to watching a show that I had been dying to see for the entirety of 2013 and 2014 - Legend of Korra, Book 2.

For the record: it's exactly as awesome as it looks.

I saw the first season in the summer of 2012, and it absolutely sucked me in. It didn't quite hold up to the original Avatar, but it had (mostly) great characters, a thrilling story, and a beautiful ending. Of course, without spoiling too much, the ending had a pretty terrible Deus Ex Machina tacked on to make it worth, but I didn't mind at the time. All it did was restore the status quo to a nice and cozy place that assured me - the audience- that everyone lived happily ever after. Great.

Two years later, the second season ended with an even worse Deus Ex Machina, and this time I wasn't happy. I was enraged. I hated that decision! I cursed the writers for copping out of a real ending! But I was okay with it last time. What happened?

For those of you who don't know, a Deus Ex Machina is an ending trope wherein a god, or gods, or cosmic forces, or some other reality-warping entity/deity, descends upon the action of the work and sets things right. 'Setting things right' could include everything from resolving the conflict for the hero(es) to simply hand-waving the consequences and restoring the status quo. Ancient and modern writers absolutely loved this trope, since it provided an easy (and, for the Greeks, pious) way to resolve the corner that they had written themselves into. Nowadays, it's basically considered lazy writing, but for that particular moment, it was borderline offensive to my soul.

A good story is a struggle. It pits a protagonist with a high-stakes goal against nearly insurmountable obstacles and challenges them to succeed against all odds. We know that they're going to succeed, but we watch for the twists and turns, and to see who our hero really is in the face of such pressure and stress. When the protagonist seems to have the upper hand, we see the conflict escalate to new levels with new developments that bolster the pressure or strengthen the opposition!  A Deus Ex Machina is absolutely antithetical to that development. It deescalates the carefully accumulated tension of the climax and demolishes the consequences of our hero's high risk actions. Bad decisions and major sacrifices mean nothing at the end of the day when winner's belt is basically just handed to per-decided victor.

Sometimes, that's exactly what it feels like when you're watching as someone who's depressed and unemployed. You have no skills, no marketable worth, and nobody's willing risk even a salary on you. You're life is a struggle with some major escalations built right in. Rent is coming due, and you won't have enough for food and a place to sleep. Or rather, that was the first month. Then next month, you realize that you won't have anything left to pay for either. You're applying to jobs left and right, and you're not getting any response. You might as well be throwing your resumes into an absolutely useless black hole of sadness and failure. Then, suddenly it's rent day, and your landlord is right there at your door wondering where her money's at. So then what?

According to Legend Of Korra, when it's all on the line - and your world falls under the shadow of total darkness - all you need to do is look inside of yourself and unleash the enormous blue giant of plot resolution to march forth to solve your problems for you. Maybe it will take the form of loads of cash that don't exist. Maybe it will squash your vile landlord into a pulp, or strangle the members of Congress who keep blocking the unemployment extension bill.

Or, maybe you'll just sigh and head inside your now-former-apartment to start packing. I was lucky that that never happened to me. Friends of mine weren't so lucky. A Deus Ex Machina isn't poised to jump in and save you when you don't have a job, so why should it save Korra?

Asking The Right Questions

Here's a conversation that actually happened:
____________________________________________________________________________________

INTERVIEWER: So, tell me... Why are you applying to our company?

ADAM: Simply, my background and varied and eclectic. I have experience performing and teaching public speaking, and I love to write. The world of marketing struck me as the perfect marriage between the two, and - as an online marketing firm - you guys are at the forefront of that field. There's a lot that this company could teach  me.

INTERVIEWER: Ah! Indeed, we are one in the same on that opinion. You see, marketing has always fascinated me. It's the perpetually un-cracked nut of human nature. We'll make dents and holes here and there, but we'll ultimately never figure out a way to truly unlock it. It's the puzzle that we can't solve, and I love that!

ADAM: Absolutely! I think it's about writing in a way the conveys vision. It's about you communicating your vision about what you can do for the world, and helping the client articulate their own vision before helping them forward their goals.

INTERVIEWER: Yes! Can you do that in front of a crowd? How many people have you presented to?

ADAM: Well, I mean I could. My record so far is about, like, thirty people.

INTERVIEWER: Can you do fifty people? Or sixty people?

ADAM: I guess... Yeah, I guess I could! Why not?

INTERVIEWER: I have some good feelings about you! You're a communicator. We've been searching for someone like you for a very long time. You're exactly what we need!

____________________________________________________________________________________

Seems like an ideal interview, right? I answered all of the questions "correctly," I have the interviewer going nuts over me, and I'm told that I'm exactly what they need. And, on top of all that, it's exactly the job that I'm looking for! Win-win, right?

Wrong.

The problem here is the term "Marketing." Both of us are using the same word, and yet with totally different visions as to what someone in the field actually does. When I heard that I was going to be working in "Marketing," I thought that I would be writing blogs, developing posts for social media, and/or making presentations to crowds of distinguished business people. This was an online marketing firm, after all! That's what they do, right?

In reality, the Interviewer had already assembled his team of writers, designers, and social media gurus. When he used the word "Marketing," he was actually thinking about the one position he hadn't filled yet - that of the company marketer. Basically, sales and outreach. He needed someone to comb through piles and piles of business cards, addresses, and phone numbers - making calls to anyone who would pick up the phone to convince them that they needed a new website.  By "Marketing," he meant commissioned telemarketing.

Oh, the commission was another thing. There was no salary associated with this gig - only a commission based on how many clients you could convince to come to the office. It was just another sales commission where you eat what you kill - one of thousands of such "jobs" that know that desperate applicants will come knocking even if they're not offering a steady paycheck. It was another reminder of just how unacceptably rare salaries are in this day and age.

Of course, I was stupid. I took the job thinking that it would be exactly what I wanted. Of course, I quickly discovered that I hated every moment of it from the very first day. Desperate for work, I stuck with it for about a week. It wasn't until that Friday that I found out that I won't get any compensation because I didn't sell anything. It was just a terrible fit all around, but I got sucked right into it because I was so enamored with the success of the interview that I didn't ask the right questions.

I should have asked:

1) Can you walk me through the daily task of this position? /AND/OR/ What will I be doing why I'm here?
 - Don't take "whatever needs to be done" for an answer. If they keep dodging this question, then that should raise a red flag. Your future employer should be upfront and honest with you about what you'll be expected to do in a routine work week.

2) Since you have accepted me, can we discuss payment? /AND/OR/ How does compensation work? /AND/OR/ Will it be salaried or commissioned based? /AND/OR/ When should I send in my invoice?
- This seems awkward, but it's absolutely necessary that you ask these questions when you know for a fact that you have been offered the job. You're not negotiating yet (that's a topic for another post), you're just searching for information.You deserve to know what kind of compensation your employer had in mind before you say yes - not after.

3) Could you describe the ideal applicant that for this position? /AND/OR/ I just want to make sure that we're on the same page. Could you clarify this for me...?
 - These questions might sound a little like fishing for correct answers, but they're actually a very useful if you're sensing that you and your Interviewer are talking past each other. Remember, you're not the only one being evaluated here. Just as they're deciding if you're a good fit for them, you should be asking questions and evaluating if they're a good fit for you as well.

Those of you who are immersed in this process might find this to be hilariously obvious; and to that, I would concur. These are absolutely brain-dead obvious things that you should do when evaluating any and every opportunity. However, it's easy to forget that when you're caught up in the success of a good interview - especially when the last several had been far less so.

Don't forget why you're there. You're looking for something that benefits you first and foremost. Don't settle for ignorance. Make sure you know what you're getting into.
 



  

Cover Letters with Sauron

Cover letters are hard. In fact, that should be a hashtag - #CoverLettersAreHard! They're nothing like resumes. Resumes follow a formula that is readily available. Cover letters don't have quite as much information flying around about them, and I have a feeling that not everyone who attempts one knows the question that they should be answering. When I first moved into the world of unemployment, I wrote my cover letters to the following prompt:

"Why do you want to work at this job?"

That's simple enough. You're laying out your motivations for applying alongside your past work experience. It gives employers a sense of your character, your goals, and your personality. It makes sense. So, in keeping with the prompt,  my early cover letters looked like this.

 
To ABC:

I am responding to your ad calling for an undergraduate or graduate intern for ABC’s News Programming. My interest in the entertainment industry is somewhat of a recent development. Though I studied history primarily, I landed an internship with Man Of Action, a creative think-tank and writing team that is responsible for creating and writing numerous cartoons (starting with Ben 10). I've been working with them for the past year and the experience has made me interested in the world of Television and Entertainment.

While my major goal is writing for television or animation, I also want to gain more experience in production. The opportunity to work with ABC News would provide that much needed experience behind-the-scenes of a major television project. Moreover, the experience itself marries my major college interests (history and political science) with my interest in working in the media. I have always found current events to be an especially fascinating for this reason. We exist on the cutting edge of history after all.

To sum up, I would love to work with ABC News. Thank you so much for consideration and I look forward to hearing back from you. My contact information is noted above.


Sincerely,

Adam Pica  

This happened to be the first draft that I ran past my parents - only to have my mother tell me that it was crap. I was flabbergasted and insulted! 

"I am explaining to them exactly why I want the job, I'm being transparent," I cried with white hot indignation! "Employers don't care about why you want the job," my Mother fired back, "they care about why they should hire you!" "Your first sentence should start as 'You should hire me because...'"

That's just ridiculous and arrogant, I thought. You might as well just demand that they give you the job the minute you walk into the interview. And only a megalomaniac would do that!

But, on the flip-side, I wasn't in any kind of a position to defend my current method. I had sent out hundreds of emails already and heard nothing back. Something wasn't working, and this crazy scheme was the only alternative I had. 

But, I also couldn't write like that! I have to put my name on the top of the page at the end of the day! This just wasn't me, this was some super-villain in his lair - cackling madly while stroking his white cat. Then again, maybe that's where I had to start...

So, after tearing up my twentieth draft, I did something I never thought I would do: I wrote this.

To Whom This May Concern,

My name is Sauron, and I am a recent graduate of Mordor College who is interested in working for you.

I am right for this position because I am a steadfast leader and a master communicator. I have a very strong background in public speaking, and have made several highly convincing presentations to influential heads of state. In addition, I also have experience in the field as a military commander and have organized and equipped both armed insurrections and standard military maneuvers.

Despite the occasional setback, I have successfully conquered numerous territories across Middle Earth. Moreover, my followers have consistently voted me back into office out of fear because I am highly motivated, goal-oriented, and will stop at nothing to achieve absolute power.

Now, I would like to use these skills to benefit your company. Thank you so much for your consideration and I look forward to hearing back from you.


Sincerely,

Sauron the Deceiver

And you thought that you were a gunner...

"I'd hire him," my Mother said when I threw this on her desk. "Are you kidding me," I spat in disgust! This is obviously a joke! A gag! Nobody would take this seriously!" 

"Maybe not the content," my Mother replied, "but the tone coveys confidence and assurance. It tells me exactly what this person can do for me and my company. This makes me very interested to see what they're like in an interview."

"That's total BS," I declared. "Well then, send it off if you don't believe me," she countered. And with that, she gently slid the letter back to me in that little way she does when she thinks she's right. She couldn't be serious. This is ridiculous!

But, I also still had nothing to lose. So, I pulled a random sales job off of Monster and sent the letter in - along with a slightly modified resume. It was just another piece of digital paper going straight into a black hole. But that would be perfect! When a week goes by without a reply, I can take this whole incident and shove it in my Mother's face as proof that she's wrong! That she doesn't know the first thing about what she's talking about.

At least I could have if this email didn't land in my inbox:

Hi Sauron,

Thank you for your application!

The team and I would be interested in scheduling an interview with you. Please let us know your availabilities for next week.
Looking forward to hearing from you.

 
All the best,

HR

Touche Mom. It looks like you have won this time. #PwnedByMom

I can't wait to see the interview.